When is it ever enough?

Do we ever stop putting ourselves out there? Do we ever tell our hearts to stop counting that extra beat when it does? We don’t or maybe some of us do. I don’t and today as I sit here and write, with yet another heartbreak that is making me feel I cant walk anymore, I wouldn’t wish it to be otherwise. Because that would mean that I have lost my essence. That my soul has given into the cynicism of the world and what they tell you about not falling in love. That fear has overtaken what I consider my greatest strength.

Someone I know very well and who is a therapist by profession keeps telling me that I am ruled by my heart. That the nurturing spirit that I have will really be my greatest winner in life- he calls it my trump card 🙂 But yet then I wonder, how does this go wrong every time? What is it that the world sees that I am missing every time and I go headlong into it, prepared for what the universe will dole out, yet not quite prepared for the heartbreak that I somehow I know will follow. It often makes me think whether we set ourselves up for it? To have heartbreaks, one after the other, every time wishing it was different and yet thinking that this was a lesson I needed to learn? I dont know and my foolish mind tells me I will get stronger, this will get better and I will be wiser. I will be able to see it way before, like a bright red light telling me not to take one more step forward. And I know my heart will ignore that red light completely and go ahead, knowing that a crash is only inevitable. But then again I live in Delhi and I have seen enough people go through red lights in a blink of an eyelid and come out safe on the other side. Yeah, I know that’s not cool but the point is that at times one has to zip past red lights to address other important things that’s lying at the other end. And maybe one day I will follow traffic rules, only go ahead when its green. But that would be superbly boring. So till then that happens I think Ill follow what I am doing right now. And nurse myself back to health, hoping every time that there is a wee bit inside me that’s just getting stronger and wiser. Till then 🙂

 

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