The year that was…2016 in a nutshell

And like that another year comes to an end. As we roll on from 2016, and to 2017, it’s always nice to look back at the year gone by and count one’s blessings, be thankful for the good and learn from what didn’t go down that well this year. So here’s my little list of the good things that happened this year. There was the bad and thankfully there was nothing exceptionally ugly this year- but there’s no point looking back at it. It was bad but its over and thats what it should be, over!

I’m thankful for:

  1. Strength: Of mind, of heart, of soul. The last two years have not really been a joyride but one of the things that kept me going was a huge inner reserve of strength that I didn’t think I ever had. But as they say  strength manifests itself in moments when you least expect it and this inner reserve has led me through the darkest and loneliest of times, just holding my hand and gently guiding me along.
  2. Hope: Hope is what kept me afloat this year. Hope that the next day will be better than this one. Hope that there will be more smiles than tears. Hope that everything will be ok. It is true that when one starts thinking in a different vein with a different filter, things on the outside seem different and thats what happened. As soon as you look at something with a tinge of hope, what you see is not the black hole in the middle but the little stars twinkling at the edges, looking for a spot through which to get in.
    I spent four nights this year in the middle of a forest and at night I used to sit outside my tent and look up at the sky. Shooting stars and a dark sky with twinkling lights is perhaps one of the most beautiful things this world of ours has to offer. Vast stretches of pitch black darkness and when you least expect it, a twinkling little light breaking that darkness and almost just peering out to say hello. That is life. There are stretches when you cant see the road ahead but just then the universe will show you something that makes you smile.
  3. A stable job and a new house: I cant claim to enjoy my job anymore but its stable, I have a fun bunch of people to hang out with and I am good at what I do, even if I say so myself. So I guess the trick is to plough on and be thankful that I get a remuneration that helps me pay my bills and stay afloat. But the more exciting thing is that I have a brand new house. After years of procrastinating, this year saw me move into “my own” apartment, which I can claim to be wholly mine, with no baggage and only memories that I will create for myself and people I hold dear and near. I’ve already had lovely house guests and friends who’ve added cheer and warmth and made this place special and I can only hope that this will continue to get better and brighter as the new year rolls in.
  4. Good health: We are all getting old and while I cant claim to be where I am in terms of physical health, shape and fitness, I am thankful for no creaking bones or any major debilitating illness. Of course there have been spates of illness, when all I thought while curled up in my bed, that was my last hour on this planet. But then even that blew over and I woke up to realise I still had all my limbs and organs functioning. The brain is slowly giving way, thanks to old age, but I guess thats for the better- one forgets shit quite easily and continues to smile like nothing ever happened.
  5. Family:  The family has been well and healthy. And that’s saying a lot. Of course there have been tiffs, tears and arguments. But which one of us dont come from dysfunctional families? If you do, you are dysfunctional yourself and time for you to get help. So yeah, beyond all of that everybody was well and on an average happy and calm perhaps if i really stretch the envelope and want to be nice.
  6. Friends: I always put this last because I can never be thankful enough for the bunch that I have and call my own. My friends have been my backbone, my spirit, my strength…everything I could ask for and much more. And for that I am blessed. There have been times when I’ve laughed till I cried and times when I cried because they gave me so much of grief. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, ever. And in 2017 I promise to be a better friend to them and be there for them the way they have been for me!

So that was 2016 in a nutshell, very small shell of an even smaller nut but just a quick glimpse into a year that was. It always helps me put this down because it teaches me to count my blessings when it feels like there is none around. So come on 2017, match up and go beyond 2016 and I promise to write you an effusive soppy note come this time next year.

Happy holidays people and lots of good vibes to you and yours from this side of the screen 🙂

Love deeply and forever

They say love like there’s no tomorrow. The love that is contained in your heart will not only be enough for you but escape the boundaries of your soul and touch others around you. I always had this curious dichotomy about love. On one hand I believed in the purity of love and on the other my rational mind told me it was nothing but hormones playing tricks with my brain. Over the years, as I aged ( and oh boy, did I age and how!) while I understood the role chemicals played inside the body and the brain, I have come to believe also of the immense purity of love. Of the intense desire that once emitted into the universe is bound to have a positive impact on life. And its not just romantic love. It’s any relation that you hold dear. It’s energy and for most parts it’s a positive energy. When you love someone deeply, you wont, in most cases, ever wish harm on that person. And when you don’t wish harm and its all positive, there are rare chances that it might go wrong. The thing is that this love might not be reciprocated at all times and it might not be the answer to all your problems, angst and woe. But when the pureness of that emotion emanates from your heart and touches someone else, it will do good to the other person. And that’s what we want at the end of the day. For good to happen to the person you love. Isn’t that what true love is all about anyway?

and 2015 went rolling by

Is it just me or did everyone feel 2015 whizzing by? Yes I know everyone says this every year but this year it’s just been one roller-coaster ride, whizzing past before I even figured out whether I had buckled my seat belt tightly enough. But boy, am I thankful that 2015 is over?

2015 has perhaps been the toughest year of my life till date. And at my age, I do have many years to show for this one. It’s been a year of personal disasters, of introspections and reflections, of knowing who I really am and as bizarre as it may sound, what I want from my life at this stage. It’s a different issue that I might not be able to solve all the riddles soon enough but atleast the year helped me figure out what was needed of me, for myself.

2015 also helped me see what friendships really mean. Some people stood there as usual, rocks and pillars, without whom I couldn’t take a step forward. Friends who rallied around me and held me tight, screamed at me, told me things as they were. But never for a minute did I feel their love or support wavering. And I am thankful. But 2015 also saw people who I didn’t think mattered, stand up and make it count when the going got bad. Just a hug, just a word, just a kind deed. And it made me believe that no matter what  there is still kindness in the world and it will show up when it matters the most.

2015 was a year of a lot of therapy. Personal deep therapy, something I never believed I needed. But today I have realized that it has been the only thing that has kept me sane and made me wake up each day and know that I can survive one more day without killing myself. And the person who made this happen has perhaps been my greatest finding of the year. I am thankful for what he has added to my life and I am grateful that he has helped me find sources of strength within myself. Yes, it is very cliche but at times you need that extra push and a sane external voice to make sense of the mad rush called life.

And so as 2015 rolls by and 2016 starts to peep out from the corner, I stand back and look at the year gone by with a smile and a tear. Regretting some of the stuff that life threw at me but happy that I still managed to swim through the mess and come out on the other side, comparatively unscathed. I want 2016 to be different. To be a year that continues to give me strength but also a year that makes me add value to the lives of those around me and those who have been there for me in my toughest times. Make new friends but hold onto those who are here. Appreciate people for who they are and forgive those who might not always have a pleasant thing to say. 2016 is going to be a year of change and I am going to make it happen. Make yours count. Because that’s the only thing that matters in the end.

 

And all is well in the world again…

When I started writing this post earlier in the evening I was really in a very weird space in my head- very blank, emotionless and dead inside. And sitting down to write the post I was really thinking of how useless marriage is as an institution. When I say marriage what I really mean is a relationship and not necessarily marriage in the legal sense of the term. I was having this really bad day for no reason actually and as soon as I saw M, I  just kind of gave up and gave him a really nasty time. And as the evening gradually rolled into the night and I had a surprise visit from a really old friend, I sat with her, discussed her love life and that really lifted my spirits. She’s had her rough patch, gone through a horrible marriage and now back to picking up the pieces of her life and exploring love again. Seeing her so gaga in love and with dreams of a new tomorrow it made me realize that I have been *touchwood* lucky and happy so far. And moments like this evening come and go and not enough reason for me to feel that my world was falling apart. Like they say…its all about the journey my friend…if the journey is worth it, the end destination doesnt seem to matter that much. So here you go my man…you rock. I could do with some changes but defective ka zamana hai…asli cheez milta hi nahi hai!!!