Back with a bang…or a whimper

It’s been so long that I wrote.What with a job change, rusty internet connections and a trip home and many assorted things, I just didn’t get time or a conducive opportunity to sit down and write what has been going on in my head.

As of 2 days ago I started a new stint in my professional career with perhaps one of the largest reputed international NGOs. A comfy designation, easy work hours, almost no work, easy commute- all good things rolled into one. This is what dreams are made up of…right? But unfortunately for me, it’s not true. The last five years out of the eight hours of my working life has been spent stressing every single minute, answering calls and sms’ at unearthly hours, working round the clock. I don’t miss that…I don’t miss my organization, I don’t miss my boss but I miss my team. But that aside, I don’t think I enjoy working anymore. While it’s too early too judge, I am kind of quite disillusioned with the work space thing and I think its time that I seriously start considering doing something on my own, branching out and doing something that is…fruitful I guess for want of a better word.

What has really shocked me though is the “unwillingness” of my family to see me in a place without a regular full time job. The argument of a big brand, reputation, future career opportunities, a fixed salary etc. is something I understand but do not necessarily agree with. Why is it not acceptable if I don’t want to do anything that is associated with a big name? Why can’t I do something that just lets me be, doesn’t necessarily make me known or famous, doesn’t hold me in high repute among friends and family- just lead my life one day at a time with no rush to go anywhere, no milestone to achieve or mountain to climb. The mindset of people of the need to achieve something every step of the way is something that unnerves me and makes me uncomfortable. I do not want it…why is that so unacceptable and difficult to figure? And the worst part of all this is that while we ( my husband and I) can manage to live off one person’s salary, the frills of a bigger car, a foreign holiday, eating out has to be curtailed instantly. And somehow, somewhere that makes me feel guilty. Because it is only the double salary that lets us do many things that we do and I know that with one person earning that wouldn’t be possible. I am willing to compromise but M wouldn’t want to be in that position and it makes me feel guilty to deprive him of his frills just because I want mine…

I don’t know the road ahead but I know it will be an unsteady one…maybe this job, maybe another one, maybe none…let’s see how it goes. The road ahead seems hazy right now but I am guessing it will clear out once I approach it head-on.