To Me, Circa 1996

Dear ” The Skinny Over-Enthu Cutlet’,

I honestly wish I had written this letter earlier- in 1996 precisely- so that you could see what lay before you and be wise when making decisions that could impact your life forever. You are probably at one of the best stages of your life now- carefree, wild, unburdened and yet this tuition, home and classes seem such a big deal. You will miss it when you hit the ripe age of “30” and wish every moment that you could get it all back. So sit back and enjoy the ride because this wont last forever.

You’ve been a “good girl” so far and i think you will continue to do so till you meet the man who you will eventually grow to love, marry and perhaps have children with someday. Yes, I know- it sounds bizzare. But believe you me, you will be there someday. This man will completely destroy all your notions of the “Good Indian Girl” and will take you on this roller coaster ride completely shaking you out of your comfort zone and convincing you to try out stuff you’ve never done before ;). He will probably emerge as the only person who will shape your thinking and outlook on life like no one else has ever been able to do.  It will be a jolly good ride but it will also cause you enough and more heartburn in the next 9 years that will be more than your share for a lifetime. But alls well that ends well and you will be in a happy place at the end of it all.

You will also bear one of the biggest heartbreaks of your lifetime. Your role model, your hero and the first man you ever loved so truly- you dad- will leave you forever. Over time your relations will go through many ups and downs- fights, disagreements, arguments but at the end of it all, he will perhaps be the only person who you know will always consider you his princess and the queen of his heart. Spend as much time as you can with him because when he’s gone this is the only thing that will gnaw at your heart every single day, without fail.

At the end of it, grow to be strong in your mind, soft in your heart and clear in your vision when you are dealing with people. Fortunately you will do work that you enjoy professionally, though I cant say the same about the people you will be working alongside. Learn to choose your friends from acquaintances and be open to making friends every stage of the way. You will be surprised at how many new people you meet who will play an important part in your life, going forward. But also beware that every friend you make now will not necesarily stay the same 15 years from now. It will be disappointing but you will grow out of its stronger and more level-headed. Listen to your partner, even though he will speak nonsense most of the time. His perspectives on life and people, as bizzare and cruel as it may sound, will make sense in the long run and you will kick yourself for not having heard him earlier.

Most importantly, be true to yourself so that every morning when you look yourself in the eye, you dont cringe but smile and get ahead with the day. You will cringe though because of the humongous size you will be post the horrible disease that will hit you in less than five years. So wear all your figure hugging clothes and the skinny jeans and the short skirts to your hearts content because you’ll probably never see them again- sad but true. All in all, enjoy your life and live everyday to the fullest, because there will never be another substitute of happiness that will ever come your way.

Lots of love and hugs

The fat, still “over-enthu” cutlet

And all is well in the world again…

When I started writing this post earlier in the evening I was really in a very weird space in my head- very blank, emotionless and dead inside. And sitting down to write the post I was really thinking of how useless marriage is as an institution. When I say marriage what I really mean is a relationship and not necessarily marriage in the legal sense of the term. I was having this really bad day for no reason actually and as soon as I saw M, I  just kind of gave up and gave him a really nasty time. And as the evening gradually rolled into the night and I had a surprise visit from a really old friend, I sat with her, discussed her love life and that really lifted my spirits. She’s had her rough patch, gone through a horrible marriage and now back to picking up the pieces of her life and exploring love again. Seeing her so gaga in love and with dreams of a new tomorrow it made me realize that I have been *touchwood* lucky and happy so far. And moments like this evening come and go and not enough reason for me to feel that my world was falling apart. Like they say…its all about the journey my friend…if the journey is worth it, the end destination doesnt seem to matter that much. So here you go my man…you rock. I could do with some changes but defective ka zamana hai…asli cheez milta hi nahi hai!!!