The birthday came and went. Like it does every year. And I think for the first time this year I didn’t feel that anticipation, that excitement, that giddiness of being the birthday girl. Yeah, it’s called age. I walked right into that one, I know 🙂 Anyway, the birthday was well spent, with the closest gang of friends walking in at midnight with cake, followed by a team lunch the next day and a fantastic dinner with the midnight gang and two more of my closest at a very upmarket place. I should remember to mention here that I wore a pretty new dress back to front, to dinner, completely oblivious of the same till I suddenly saw a tag sticking out near my neck while sipping a drink. I thought I would let it go but then again its never fun till one can make an absolute fool of oneself. So dinner was spent just rolling over with laughter in bursts around the table, talking about my dress. Of course I could have gone and changed it around. But then it wouldn’t be so much fun, would it?
Anyway, as I turned a year older, something my friends thought they should remind me every half an hour, I sat back at night and thought of the year thats gone by. And I have to say I have surprised myself in more ways than one. Of course there have been cringe-worthy moments and as I thought of those times, I almost saw myself walk out of my body and slap myself for being so stupid. But, I have to say the good times outweighed the bad. I gained strength, emotionally and emerged out of depths I didn’t think I would. Often we dont realise how strong we are and these midnight contemplative exercises are really good shots at holding the mirror up to ourselves and while it does expose the raw, it also often shows us little halos around our head that we ignore. And it makes one feel good. Makes you realise that where you are today, with due respect to people around you, is also because you worked very hard and you should be proud and happy to have come such a long way. Makes you understand that there will be bumps on the road but you only know bumps, because you also know what a smooth road is like. And if it wasn’t for the bumps, a smooth road would be so boring and you would fall asleep and not even enjoy what the world has to offer. So the bumps keep us awake, keep us alert, keep us aware and keep us thankful that we are still moving on. Makes you realise the past is the past for a reason and while one can learn from the past and also perhaps think of it with a smile, its something that needs to be left behind. So all in all, while its been a difficult year, its a year I am grateful for because this year taught me that its OK to fall and its even better to get up again, dust my knees, put on a band-aid and start walking again.
So as I bid adieu to my youth and beauty, I smiled and went to bed, knowing that next year this time I still might not have what I really want from my core but I will still be a step closer than I am now. And that is worth walking on for!