I often close my eyes and try to imagine what I would do that would make me happy. Sitting at the computer, day after day, achieving targets and getting words of praise is perhaps not the measure of success that I want in my life. It’s about gaining composure and peace, about an inner feeling that says “its good to be here…and I want to be here forever.”
The only time I perhaps feel this is when I’m out holidaying with my closes friends, somewhere far, far away. I’ve wondered if it’s the holiday life that I desire. That would be such a quick, clean answer. But it’s not. It’s the calmness that I need…the feeling that I can experience every moment as it passes by, when every breath is counted for and every sight is revered. It’s the moment when I can experience the wind on my face and understand in my head that this is what it means to be happy. When I can close my eyes and hear the sound of waves crashing against the shore with the knowledge that I won’t need to wake up if I don’t want to. The calmness I can sense when I walk the streets at night and watch a mother rock her child to sleep while packing up her shop for the day.
There are not too many moments like these in our life. It’s not often when you turn in for the day that you can smile to yourself and say “wow…I loved what I did today”. However, this is not to be confused with happiness. If I ever had to look into a mirror and ask whether I was happy, I would have to say yes. Several things in my life make me happy…my home, my husband, my marriage. But somewhere there is fine distinction of being happy for an event in your life and being happy in your heart for what you are. Several pieces fit the jigsaw and the picture is almost near complete. But somewhere one piece remains. And that’s what makes the difference.