when is it too much?

have you ever felt that you were emotionally drained? that you were giving too much of yourself to your friends, families, lover/loved ones and getting nothing in return? that you valued people much much more than they ever have? that you loved without being loved in return? that it was necessarily important to be loved in return when you love unconditionally? that there is something called unconditional love?

the last few days iv been constantly thinking about relationships and the significance it has in people’s lives. For me relationships hold huge amount of importance- whether it be friends, family, spouse. Office is possibly the only place where I don’t get emotionally involved but that is a conscious decision that I have made so that it helps me get my work done without thinking how others perceive. Despite this I still have a close friend at work who of course tells me that my nature at office has made everybody think that I hate them with a vengeance. which is good in a way. because if I have to deal with emotional soppy nonsense at work, I might as well hang myself and put the entire matter to rest 😉

But really, when it comes to friends and family, I notice myself giving much more of myself than I probably give to err…myself. I care about what people say, what I say to people, what people think, blah, blah blah. M tells me I go over the top but I have spent many a sleepless night fretting over whether I was mean to a close friend, did I hurt her even tho’ I didn’t intend to, did I really be rude? I know its a bit too much and maybe I’m a bit warpy in the head but more often than not, I’m right.

And of course then I go through these periods of time, like now, when I truly feel I have been taken for granted. People know that I never mind, that its OK to be rude to me, that its OK to say anything they want and even ignore me, if you will, just because its me. Because I will never turn around and bit them in the ass and give them a fair share of what they put me through. But aint I also human? Dont I also feel hurt? Dont i also want somebody to hold and cry? to tell them what I feel confident that they will understand me without judging me for what I say?

Like I said, I dont know- maybe its me…or do u feel the same way?

One thought on “when is it too much?

  1. felt emotionally drained? ofcourse……. now more often than ever. When you’ve arrived at an age where you find your mind being yanked into the feelings of “should have”, “could have” “shouldn’t have” and yet you know there is no going back!

    Unconditional love i think has its own shelf life. So to answer your question, yes , it does exist…….. but very fleetingly. I hope you’ve experienced your share of being loved unconditionally….. by someone……. some point of your life. But then you grow up and people around you do too. So to add to your misery ……….everything thereafter IS CONDITIONAL…….. relationships, love, friendship,jobs……. life !

    If you feel you are giving much more than what you receive, ask yourself,, why the hell are you doing it? Does it make you feel good, generous, giving ? if not, why do it? We really cannot control or even dare to expect how the other person is going to react, how much he or she is going to reciprocate. Fact is, you need to start thinking about yourself …. actually not just think…….. act on it ……….. everyone else around you is. And your life is going to be no different my dear……….

    Question: Having known the people, friends,, loved ones….. understanding them for who they are………. don’t you know what to expect?

    The book of life my dear is brief……….. its best to let some tales remain untold………..

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s