Daddy’s Little Girl

Iv always heard people say that girls share a bond with their father- a bond so deep that its inexplicable- a bond so deep that only those who have experienced it know whats its like, a bond so deep that perhaps now that dad is gone for good, will I realise what he meant to me.

Dad left for good about 3 weeks back- to a place from where he will never return. Never. And as I sit and type this, I can feel him looking down on me and smiling and nodding his head- proud that his little girl is holding up so well, fighting back her tears- probably sad that he went without even telling his little girl how much he loved her-but relieved of all the pain that he endured the last year. 

Baba, I miss you- I miss all those time we spent together laughing and joking, fighting and crying- just being together- just being there for each other. And as I sit here this evening, looking at the photograph on my table, I can feel you around me. But I’m angry- angry because you were not supposed to go, angry because u didnt wait for me, angry because u left us alone, angry because this was not supposed to be the way I had ever thought.  Angry, because now you’re here with me…not in person but in a frame. But beyond this anger, there is a love that I feel that cant be explained. 

I never told you that I loved you all the time that you were around except for the last time I saw you in hospital waving out to me the day I left. And even though I knew you would be ok, tears streamed down my face as I took that flight back to work, to routine. And as I sat there on the runway, I never thought I would have to come back so soon to say goodbye to you forever. But as the days pass and the pain grows deep, I realise that you will now be with me forever. It’s ironical that as long as you were here in person, you could never be with us at all times of day and night. And now while I cant hear you over the phone, I know I just have to close my eyes and reach out to you…and you will be there baba- holding my hand and guiding me through it all.

I love you baba…and I miss you.

baba

5 thoughts on “Daddy’s Little Girl

  1. I am so sorry to hear this news…i dont have any words….but i guess he is closer to you now than ever before.

    me: that’s true- he’s here for good now

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  2. Ohh babe….I read back to that first post you linked to and then came here…I am so so very sorry.

    All mistakes are forgiven now, none of it matters anymore. I just wish that this feeling could have come sooner…

    Hope you’re doing ok…*hugs*

    me: I am coming to terms with it slowly but surely- they say time is a great healer- so lets wait and see I guess

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  3. This post is the best expression of feelings I have ever come across…..brought tears to my eyes as I was reading it ……not that I find it difficult to shed few……your every word was screaming to silently express that undying love ……love that never fails anyone……..love for your parents and love of your parents!

    I am so sorry to hear this news…….and have no words left to write anything more……

    Perhaps, a fact that I too have a daughter for whom I blog made me connect better!

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  4. Manta kharap lagche. Kaku’r Hashi ta mone porche….
    purono diner katha mone pore gelo — when you took him to bangalore from ooty.

    me: bangalore-ooty connection?

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  5. Thank you for writing to me and sharing this. I can relate to every word.

    I am trying so hard to think of the good memories, but all I have swirling round me is the last day at the hospital and images from the burning ghat.

    I still can’t believe he’s gone…it’s just too soon.

    I also know that he’s watching me…kintu mon-taa maaney naa.

    I hope you are stronger now. May you always derive your strength and comfort from his presence.

    Hugs…

    me: like they say time is a great healer…i guess that’s all that can give us strength to accept the loss and make it a part of our life…to go thru from day to day

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