FRIENDS and MORE

It’s very sad when you lose a friend in life. A friend who’s been there with you through thick and thin. A friend who’s understood what you want to say before you’ve even uttered a word. A friend who’s solved your worries by counting the creases on your face. And then one fine day it’s all over………….just like that. Some small argument and then the whole thing blows up in your face.
I lost a friend, a very dear friend. We have been friends almost from the time we were born. My first memories of us together are framed by the black and white photographs of us playing together, where the corners have curled up to leave a crease across the face. Maybe it’s just a co-incidence that the crease runs between the space that we both share in the photograph or maybe it’s just a sign that the relationship would never hold true or maybe it was a warning that we needed to iron out the creases just in time.
It all started a few years back when he started seeing women. He always had an opinion on everything in my life and I never minded that. Today, in retrospect I feel maybe that was the cause to our end. Maybe familiarity actually bred contempt. Like him, even I felt I had the right to comment on what he did with his life. And somehow I never liked the women he dated, except for one. And I told him so in very comprehensible terms. Maybe they were too old for him, or too shrewd, or too weird………and the list continued.

We moved on in life, pretending that the strains didn’t show. And like all other people we also moved onto other friends, explored other options. I always tried making him a part of my friend circle and he surprisingly got along like a house on fire with my boyfriend then, now my husband. But somehow, he could never adjust to my friend circle. He befriended them for some time, pretending all was gung ho but fell out soon because of some conflict he had with them. Theirs was a relationship which was independent of my existence and I thought it was best that I don’t interfere and mess up things further. Because all the people concerned were adults and had minds of their own. And I had no right to interfere in something that didn’t concern me. I. however, tried to talk to him when I felt things were going out of control but he never listened. He instead turned around and blamed me and my friends for bad mouthing him and his family, to the extent that his mother and sister got involved in it too and blamed me for the whole episode.
And things moved from bad to worse to the extent that he didn’t even come for my wedding because some others were there. He came, dropped his mom and left. I felt upset, very upset but realized that day that if he could not forget things and be happy for me on my day, maybe even I should let go and just move on. Maybe it was time to forge new relationships and keep the old one as pleasant memories in a safe corner of my soul to dig out and fondly remember in times of solitude. His friendship is an experience I love to keep for myself because till the time we were friends, we were also soul mates. There was no romantic connection but something somewhere told us that we understood and loved each other for what we were. I have lost him for good but I don’t think I will ever be able to let go of his friendship. SO what, if its just a memory?

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