I work under somebody who I must very honestly claim,is not the quintessential boss,who breathes down your neck at all times of the day but allows you your freedom to do your own work at your own pace.
Working in the development sector,it is but natural,that there are formed opinions about various issues that one has to tackle on an everyday basis and probably work your way around it if you dont necessarily adhere to the same point of view. I was thus surprised when,my boss,who is quite chilled otherwise would flood me with questions about how i sign my name post marriage.
I have never been the overtly feminist type who would jump at the mention of any wrong doing towards a woman without quite judging the issue with my own ideas and trying to balance out all sides of the story. Thus maintaining my maiden surname and tagging my husbands surname along with it was not such a big deal for me. I dont believe in crying myself hoarse at all wrong doings of men but i do believe that being a feminist comes from what you believe yourself to be. I dont need to be called a feminist by the entire world but if I know I can negotiate all relationships with respect and maintain my own at that,I am a feminist myself. If I can sympathise with the wrongs done to a woman if its not her fault and at the same time point out fallacies in arguments where the man is being victimised for no apparent reason, I am a feminist. Its not that I want to be called a feminist-I would be happy knowing I am somebody who can stand up for the rights of any individual,and praise any sex for the good things they have done.
My mother is somebody who believes that any kind of jewellery in the forms of anklets,bangles,sindoor or for that matter anything ,is a sign that the woman is tied down to the man.I beg to differ. While I do agree that most of these items of jewelery were used to symbolise a sign of ownership,things have changed now…….atleast in the sphere that I belong to. I wear a nose ring because I like to……I wear payals because I like the sound of it and not because I want to show that my man owns me.And for the same reason I dont wear sindoor because i ahve an allergy to it and my scalp itches for days afterwards for that one deed and not because I believe its a sign of ownership. Of course my relatives cry hoarse that not wearing sindoor means ill health and all bad things for my husband…..but he is quite well,professionally and health wise……so it doesnt bother me. Of course my motehr is happy because she never wanted me ot get married in the first place…….but i dont wear it because i dont like it not because she doesnt like it.
Anybody who hears that I use my maiden surname along with my husband’s surname has a lot to say.i do understand that it becomes too long to write……..but thats the ONLY problem there is to it. I believe that a name gives you an identity and the maiden surname is a family name Iv grwon up with. Abandoning that the moment i sign on a dotted line doesnt make sense…..why should I ? My presence at the ceremony proves what pains (actually!!!!!) my parents took to bring me up and I just cannot cut off a part of my being just because im married to someone else. It also makes sense that now post marriage since I am officially a part of two families,I would reflect that in my name.And I love doing it. Its nothing like the overrising sense of patriarchy in my life that is forcing me to do these things but just that I love doing it. I love feeling a part of two families and enjoying every moment of it.
I think everybody should just give me a break and let me do my own thing…..Im not breathing down ur neck…..so why breathe down mine????????????

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